Not simply is life plagued by pain, it is also affected by problems. Do you ever have days once your life seems beset by problems? Carry out. Have you also noticed how on other days, precisely the same issues don't seem like problems whatsoever? In the same way that there is induce to find the positive from your pain, there is also provoke celebrate problems. If you didn't have any problems in your own life, you would be stagnating. Sure choosing safe, but you may not be growing.
So, what should you do if you have problems in your life?
As amazing as it seems, problems only exist once you notice them, think about them or pay attention to them. Identifying a problem causes it to exist. Until that period there is no problem. The challenge with having a problem is that people tend to focus upon it and in doing so, ignore everything else that is not the problem.
Whenever we find a problem, we expend a substantial amount of energy on clearly defining and putting boundaries for the problem so that we all know exactly where it is, what it's, how big it is and why it is a problem for people. This is a wonderful academic exercise, but does nothing to help you find solutions, to find out beyond the problem in order to understand why it arose that you experienced and what you are designed to learn or heal on account of it.
While you stay focused on the problem, particularly when it is a big bad overwhelming problem, it is hard for you to see into the space that's not the problem.
The biggest tips I will give in relation to problems in your own life are:
It is not necessary to immerse yourself within the 'drama' of your problem. Doing this does not serve you. Rise above the drama and ask for the learning outcome everything's presenting to you.
Every 'problem' exists that will help you gain an understanding about you or life. Whenever you gain the understanding you can watch the problem melt away.
It is not healthy to use your problems to get attention for yourself in order to reinforce any victim or martyr pattern you run.
There are a number of different techniques you should use when you have a 'problem' in your lifetime to assist you to find solutions to or gain understandings regarding the problem.
1. Using Logic
You can use the following questions to help you find your way around problems in your own life. Identifying the problem in writing and listing what you really are going to do about it can help you to see your way clear towards the solution on the other side of the problem. Taking the actions you've identified will help you to gain that which you have to learn from the problem.
Answer these questions in terms of the problem:
What is the problem?
How can you currently feel about the issue?
What is the outcome or goal you are seeking in relation to the problem?
What feelings will you have if you achieve this outcome or goal?
What hurdles or barriers are currently preventing you from the achievement on this goal?
What personal strengths are there that will assist you to achieve this outcome or goal?
What other resources is needed you to achieve the outcome or goal?
What things could you try?
What actions are you going to take?
When will these actions be taken by?
How will you make it rewarding when you achieve this outcome/goal?
2. Identifying The actual Metaphor Or Message
Problems in your lifetime are showing you issues to heal, i.e. exactly what you hoped to learn and overcome on this lifetime. Look at the problems in your lifetime and see if they contain messages or metaphors for you personally about which area in your life needs to be healed. Exactly what are they showing you? When you are getting the message, step up to the lesson and meet it at once. Be courageous and heal it for good. All problems are purely and learning and growth opportunities.
I can't underestimate the difficulty of performing what I have suggested in the last paragraph. When I first started seeing life using this method, what I am suggesting would have been a difficult and often soul baring way to undertake. The more I did it, however, the easier it has become. I now view problems as puzzles will be able to solve and heal. I boost to each one knowing in advance that often I will not like what investigating the actual meaning behind the situation will show me about myself.
3. Treatment of Emotional Attachment
This is or the lesson behind the issue becomes so much easier to discern when you are able remove your emotional attachment on the situation (i.e. kid the drama). If you can step back from the problem and consider it objectively, it will be much easier to understand the cause of and the lesson being gained from the problem. You will probably understand how it fits into the greater scheme of your life.
4. Going to a Different Perspective For the Issue
This technique is very effective for problems that involve other people. When other people are involved, it can be our wherewithal to see their perspective for the situation that contributed to the problem in the first place. Understand that other people in your life are often either:
Reflecting messages back about yourself; and/or
Assisting you to learn your lessons.
It is usually helpful to understand that everyone has a different perspective about the same situation.
For example, some years ago I was friends which has a newly married couple who had been experiencing difficulties. One evening the husband rang me, explained his wife was out and he needed someone to talk with. I listened and it was amazed at his perspective with a marriage that I, being an outsider, had seen very differently. The next week his wife rang, told me her husband was out for the night and she needed anyone to talk to. Again I listened. Her view of the marriage was vastly completely different from both her husband's and mine. Actually, if had not known both of them, I would have sworn we were holding talking about different marriages.
In the same manner that the husband and wife saw their marriage through vastly different lenses, also do most people in relationships (particularly difficult ones). If both sides could step outside themselves and their focus upon their very own wounds to walk one mile in the other person's moccasins, your situation could often be quickly and harmoniously resolved.
It helps to resolve the problem should you let go of the need to be right. It serves neither you nor your partner. If the other person features a need to be right, know that is where they are on the journey and overlook it. You cannot heal others, only yourself. In healing yourself you may, however, open the way for them to heal themselves.
5. Asking Yourself Questions To Find Solutions To Problems
An intense focus upon the challenge can often stop you from finding solutions to the problem. Asking yourself questions dependant on the use of Cartesian logic can assist you find your way to solutions. It's also a fun technique to use with friends stuck within a problem.
Cartesian logic contains four quick questions you can use with linguistics to help see beyond your problems and begin to find solutions. Cartesian logic states that for a problem to demonstrate true it must prove true in all of the four of the following quadrants (which we are going to replace with questions):
What wouldn't normally happen if you did?
What happens if you did?
What may not happen if you didn't?
What happens if you didn't?
Mastering these four simple questions will enable you to think outside your problems for the place where solutions is found.
For example, a lady found see me. Her problem in connection with her wastrel husband and whether she should leave him. Gurus her the four questions from Cartesian logic the following:
What would happen if you left your husband?
What would happen if you didn't leave your husband?
What wouldn't happen if you left your husband?
What wouldn't happen should you didn't leave your husband?
When she had answered the questions she'd found her solution.
It is tempting to rush in which help other people sort out their problems and provide them the benefit of all your great wisdom and growth experience.
Listed below are my tips for helping other folks:
Remember people can only be helped when they (not you) are set.
It is far better to help someone come up with their own solution to an issue then it is for you to solve it on their behalf. They will have 'ownership' of the solution and be more willing to implement it.
Some people thrive on playing the 'yes but' game regarding their problems. This really is game the person with all the problem is guaranteed to win. It's a good idea if you cease to learn the game as soon as you recognize it or stop it before it even starts.
An example of the 'yes, but' game:
Paul: We have this really real problem. It is a giant banana. (The sport has begun).
Rebecca: Oh dear. I'd one of them once and that i found that apples were the result.
Paul: Yes, however that won't work for me because... (He extends to do his first 'yes, but').
Rebecca: Oh. Well, I've also heard that carrot sticks might help.
Paul: Yes, but that won't work for me because... (By the second 'yes, but' things are beginning to hot up).
Rebecca: Oh. The only real other suggestion We have is to use lettuce.
Paul: Yes, other folks have suggested the exact same thing, but it won't work for me because... (This is the third 'yes, but', he or she is nearly the winner).
Rebecca: Well that is a big problem. I don't have any idea the best way to help you.
Ta da and Paul has become the winner in the 'yes, but' game as he has just proved that he has a problem that is soooo big and soooo bad that no-one else might help him. Poor Paul, what a great way to get attention and stay stuck in the problem.
Anyone with the problem in the 'yes but' game isn't seeking your assist with solve the problem. They are seeking confirmation they may have a problem that is so large and so bad that no-one else might help them. They are seeking confirmation from the correctness of their decision to stay stuck in the problem because it's so bad who's cannot be overcome. Playing the action does not aid either you or them.